


Hugs Won't Fix You, But They Help

by HPLovecraftHadAPetPony



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 05:46:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12125847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HPLovecraftHadAPetPony/pseuds/HPLovecraftHadAPetPony
Summary: Little oneshot about Year One on the meteor  and child neglect





	Hugs Won't Fix You, But They Help

"Vriska, stop being a fucking hypocrite," she yells at you from the other side of the door. You can't bring yourself to unlock it. Not until the moment has passed. Not until your head clears up and your face isn't a disgusting, flushed blue. 

"Vriska, I'm not leaving. You can't keep doing this to yourself. Not alone. I just want to help. We don't even need to talk about it," You hear her lean against the door and then slump to the ground.

"Talk about what?" You call out. Ouch, your voice. It sounds strained and teary. Sounds like how you feel. 

"Your-," she stops herself, "whatever you're crying about."

"I'm not crying," your voice breaks and that's it, you turn the tap on and start washing your face. Enough is enough, she doesn't need to see you like this. Nobody does. This isn't who you are. You're not a little girl who cries in bathrooms about her poor little childhood and dead friends. 

"Please let me in."

You turn the tap off and turn to the door, and suddenly you are a little kid again. You're staring up at an enormous spider and there are bodies in your arms. Watching as they're devoured by the creature you call a guardian. Could be you next. Then there's the fierce determination, the notion that you could ever be beat is so absurd that it's laughable. No, that won't happen. Even if you have to kill a million kids, even if you have to hate yourself for it, even if you have to kill a girl who was only trying to help her friend, even if you have to lose Tere-

You open the door with your eyebrows furrowed and your mouth an ugly grin. Terezi is there, as beautiful as she ever was. Her glasses are off and her pajamas are on. She's wearing Dave's sweatpants and Rose's hoodie. You feel somewhat inappropriate wearing a ratty t-shirt and days old jeans. But Terezi looks like she belongs. While her hands shake, her face is as calm and set as your last 4/13. She rushes in to hug you and you start crying again. It is silent. It is necessary. And it is controlled. She can do that pretty nicely when she wants to. 

You want to stay there, but what you want more is for nobody to fucking know about this. You lock the door again. When you turn back, she's surveying the area. This is the largest bathroom on the meteor, lots of floor space and a jacuzzi. You think Rose alchemized it. Speaking of Rose, her wine bottle is on the double vanity. The glass is in the empty bathtub that you've been crying in for the last hour. Goddammit, she already knew you were drunk. Why do you feel so ashamed about it?

"I'm not...as bad as her," you insist. Terezi picks the glass up and rinses it out in the sink.

"How much did you have?" Her voice is low. You don't answer. The bottle resembles a perfect personality test.

"It really fucking hurts, Pyrope. I don't want to feel this way anymore-"

"And does the alcohol help?"

"No, it makes me feel so much fucking worse! And that's how I'm supposed to feel. That's all I've ever deserved!"

Terezi plops down onto the bathroom floor, putting the glass down on the vanity.

"You don't believe that."

"Yes, I do. I've done so much harm to people who deserved none of it. Remember Aradia?"

"Of course I remember Aradia. Sit down."

You kneel, begrudgingly but tired.

"Aradia has moved on. So has Tavros. And Sollux. And everyone involved in that debacle. They can't change the past, Vriska. Neither can you. And I'm right here to help you move on. Isn't that what you want? A fresh start?" She continues. You take her hand in yours. 

"I do. God, I do. But it's not that easy, you know that. The past lingers on us like a fucking skunk spray. It made us who we are. And we are broken people."

She hugs you.

"Do you know how Aradia's doing right now?"

"Aradia was a victim, not a villain. She's allowed to feel sorry for herself and to get past it."

"You were a victim too. You think you can't feel bad? You think everything that happened to you was Just?"

You just hug her tighter, and the tears that were just stopping start again.

"It was so fucked up, Pyrope. I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done any of that, they were just kids. But I had to. I was scared. I was so damn scared my whole life and I still am. I'm afraid of losing you and our friends and I'm afraid it will be my fault. I'm such a fuck-up. I really wish I wasn't."

"You're still a kid, Vriska. You have time."

"I know. You're a kid too though. You shouldn't have to deal with me like this."

"I know you'd do it for me."

You don't correct her on that, and it becomes a silent promise that you will return the favor. You'd do it for her. In that moment, you'd do anything for that girl.

You two settle against the side of the tub, on the floor covered with makeshift blankets. You lean against her with your hands entwined. You whisper, stories of your mom and your ancestor and the man in the moon. There is no rage in them, but a quiet understanding. An understanding of what had happened and, with Terezi at your side, an understanding of how you will fix it.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Chelsea if you're reading this I think you're cool


End file.
